Practicing Patience: Lessons From The Pandemic

What is the difference between patience and waiting? They often feel the same when in practice, however, they are two very different things.

“Just be patient”.

That phrase is so much easier said than done. We are fed phrases and sayings like "rest is for the weak", "rest when you're dead", we glamorise “the hustle" and we wait for burnout.

Yet, we say “just be patient” as if it were easy.

In most cases, no matter how much you want something, it boils down to this. Not everything we want we can have instantly, because most things are impossible to change overnight, and it’s here where we are tested.

"Can we make actions towards something better, knowing that it will take time, without giving up?"

Waiting is a game. It’s a tactic. It’s Intensional. Waiting is delayed action.

If waiting is momentary inaction, that may or may not be strategic, then patience is, the ability to endure difficult circumstances with grace in the face of that struggle.

Patience is tolerance of an unideal situation for any amount of time while maintaining a certain level-headedness in the midst of all of it.

Patience is wanting it all now but needing to wait.

With the arrival and rapid spread of the COVID 19 virus, we saw the world go into complete standstill, and soon after, into total lockdown. Plans, vacations, weddings, parties, and what we all call “normal” day-to-day life was taken away to prevent further spread of the virus.

This immediately presented the general public with many fears and challenges. Fear for their heath and the health of loved ones, to the fear of losing their businesses and lives. Not to mention the mental health struggles one faces when they are unable to visit family or friends, and they say, live alone.

Necessary measures were taken, as the world seemed to cease to exist as, one of the greatest tests (at least this generation has seen) was dealt: complete isolation. From one day to the next, all stood still.

It was a unique and trying experience in all the worst ways.

Now, the pandemic isn’t over, in fact, it’s far from over. Even if the country where you live seems to have things under control, it is important to practice compassion and remember that, some have lost everything due to the ramifications of the pandemic, and not every country has a government that is doing enough. (Dare I say no country does)

Despite the fact that we are still in the midst of the pandemic, we can use this time to reflect on our personal situation and how the lockdown or series of lockdowns have consequently affected us.

Sometimes the mind needs some quiet, some stillness in order to think, if nothing else, we have certainly had time over the past two years to do so.

Many of us have experienced emotions that prompted hard questions about our lives. Many of us have had to sit with our thoughts, to sit with ourselves in a way we have never needed to before. Some of us or many of us realised that some big changes needed to be made.

With questions, many truths began to surface.

When having to face ourselves without the noise and distractions of the world, these were some of the questions that came up:

Am I happy?

Does this sound familiar? “In a way, it's a relief to know that I don’t have to go to work everyday”

When was the last time that you sat down, took a break, even for a moment from the hustle and bustle of your day and asked yourself, am I happy? Did you give yourself an honest answer to that question? And if that answer was no, what are you going to do about it?

When the lockdown was announced and many of us couldn’t go to work, did it feel like a relief? Did you feel like you could finally let go?

We push, we persevere, we keep going, and we keep our chin up because we think we have to. We stay at that job that makes us feel miserable because we believe that we have no other choice.

The sad thing is, sometimes it can be easier to remain unhappy than it is to take the necessary steps towards our own happiness. Why? Don’t we all want to be happy? In theory yes, but how many of us are willing to do what it takes?

Happiness won’t always look or feel the same for all or any of us. There is no formula or concrete solution, but what we can do is, begin finding our own ways to feel; fulfilled, safe, valued, creatively challenged, without significant environmental or financial stress, passionate, and able to see ourselves progressing and growing in the future. Those are some big steps in the right direction.

"Bliss and happiness are fleeting, but we can work to cultivate them so that they can arise more often."

How many of these characteristics or values would you say you can apply to your work and life? Now, don’t get me wrong, these things are not easy to find, not to mention, at times just paying the bills and providing for ourselves and our families can get in the way of pursuing our dreams.

Sometimes we just need to work until we find the right job or place for us, but it all comes down to taking that risk, finding ways to work towards our dreams. That’s where most or at least, many of us stopped trying, or maybe, that's where we didn't try at all. We tend to get too comfortable where we are and we are often terrified of uncertainty and the unknown.

This is why it’s harder to choose happiness over unhappiness that is accompanied by comfort.

Happiness is fleeting, it’s not constant. But we can also find happiness in the knowing that each day, you take as an opportunity to push forward in an effort to make your dreams come true, even if it’s just by taking one step per day. Those steps will add up.

I am too stuck in my routine

What did the first day of lockdown look like for you? Confusion, emptiness, a time suck? It certainly did for me! With all this time on our hands, the day suddenly felt endless when, under normal circumstances I found myself saying, “I feel like there’s never enough hours in the day”!

Routine gives us consistency, security. It is healthy for the body to have routine in order to create good habits like going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday. But what happens when everything we do becomes routine?

"When suddenly the things we do are taken away, who are we without the things we do to fill our time?"

The body and mind also benefit greatly from change. Whether that’s in the form of food, swapping Netflix for a good book or changing up our workout routine from time to time, variants are also important for growth.

If the body only consumes the same nutrients over and over, day in and day out, the body will develop a resistance to those nutrients and won’t be able to digest them as well. Likewise, if we never change our habits, we will stop being able to digest and fully experience them.

I have unresolved trauma that is now coming to the surface

With all of the sudden quiet, we are then left with our thoughts, mental chatter, the problems and traumas that were hiding in the back of our minds. We pushed them away using daily noise and distractions to keep the pain at bay.

With the disappearance of our routine and the appearance of new found time and space, it was as if the clouds lifted and the sky was then visable.

And suddenly we were feeling it all, and what I felt was far from what I was expecting.

I fell into a depression as the weight of my traumas consumed me. I thought, how could I have hid this from myself for so long. A flood of panic attacks, nightmare, tears, and feelings of darkness and desperation were now my constant reality. I knew then that I needed time to confront all that I was feeling and make major changes to the way I was talking to myself and what I was choosing to believe about myself.

For as long as I can remember I had adopted the belief that, I was my trauma.

But the truth is, I have suffered enough, I have lived with trauma, I have survived, and now I am ready to let go.

Then it all began to unpack.

If this was part of your experience, you are not alone.

I am not “ok” to be alone this often and for this long

Another realisation many of us came to in the sudden emptiness of the lockdown was a lack of company and the loneliness one experiences in isolation.

We are told that we have to be self-sufficient, powerful, independent, sure, and that, being single and not settling for anyone means you are worthy of praise, but there is nothing easy about being alone. Not having company, intimacy, touch, conversations, and connection is damaging.

I would argue that not having any company (long term) is just as troubling as being in bad company.

"There is no feeling emptier than being alone or being with someone who makes you feel alone. But we cannot discredit either one."

Despite being told we need to love ourselves and always remain strong, it is also important and ok to say “I do not feel fine. I do not feel ok being alone for this long. I need company and connection”.

There is no pride in lying, not to ourselves, nor to others. It takes strength to tell the truth. To be vulnerable is to say, sometimes I need someone. That does not make you co-dependant, pathetic, or weak.

I now understand how important physical contact is (hugs, touch, intimacy, etc.)

Sometimes we don’t know how important something is until it’s gone. With the absence of something we are likely to feel the difference.

Don’t be mistaken. Physical contact, touch, hugs, and intimacy are not just a want. They are a need. We need these kinds of interactions in order to develop properly as infants so why would we “grow out” of the need for it in adulthood?

Just as we lose our sense of adventure and our curiosity with age, we are constantly told that we need to grow up. Mature. Rely on only ourselves, but the truth is, how can we love ourselves if we feel unloveable? We need some degree of external validation in order to prove our worthiness to ourselves sometimes.

Imagine if you knew you were incredibly smart, hardworking, reliable, and straight up talented but you were consistently fired and unable to hold down a job. It wouldn’t be long before you start to doubt yourself. It’s only natural.

We do sometimes need a bit of praise, appreciation, love, and affection and that is OK! That doesn’t mean that you are incapable of loving yourself. Sometimes we need a little perspective. If we were naturally meant to be alone in life and be completely self-sufficient, we wouldn’t be attracted to one another, crave love and intimacy, physical touch wouldn’t be essential and our brain and emotions wouldn’t be hard wired this way.

I am afraid of what the future will look like

I am afraid. Allow yourself to feel it, and say it, because many of us are. These are such uncertain times, it’s impossible to deny it. For people who suffer from anxiety, this is a thought that wears especially heavy. What lasting affects will the virus pose? When will things go back to normal?

Well, one sad but important reminder to consider is, there was never a normal. Things were not fine before COVID 19 and we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. The difference is, with the world on standstill we are finally able to see. The world is now under a microscope and we can no longer pretend not to see things for what they are. And as a result, people are standing up and demanding change.

If anything, I believe that we have been able to see more truth in the midst of the panic. More of the truth and the reality of how our governments are reacting to the crisis, and from the general public. We are seeing what people belief in, what they are willing to fight for, and where people stand.

Our values are all currently on display.

Many of us have had to say goodbye to some of the people we thought were friends during the lockdowns because, nothing shows you a person’s true colours more than having our basic freedoms taken away due to a global pandemic.

I feel overwhelmed by the situation

I feel so completely confused and generally overwhelmed by the situation, the actions of our governments, the actions of others, the information and the misinformation, the fatigue and the isolation are wearing on me.

All totally valid feelings. If they are present, they should be felt.

Nothing feels clear at the moment. You are not alone.

Talk to someone about it, but sit with it and know that there might not be a solution at the moment. All we can hope is that, a sense of clarity will present itself in due time. Know that you are not alone.

Will I be able to go back to the way it was post lockdown?

Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that being able to go back to work and return to our usual routines post lockdown is already a privilege and a blessing because there are many who cannot say or do the same.

Many people have lost their jobs and have had to make huge sacrifices just to made ends meet. However, those who have continued to work from home are now realising that they have been overworking themselves for so long that they don’t know how they will manage to return to those ways.

Many of us have been running on adrenaline and getting by that way for so long that as soon as we stop to take a break, the body shuts down.

Another big realisation many of us have come to see is that, we are all chronically tired.

The first days of the lockdown were hard. We had no where to put our energy. We had no plans, nowhere to be, and little to do. But then, we kind of started to love our bubble.

We collectively started baking cakes and cookies, and making sourdough bread, we were finally catching up on some sleep. Despite the separation, we took to social media to make each other laugh about working from home with no pants on, and accidentally forgetting to turn our cameras off during zoom calls. We found a way to laugh through it.

We starting liking it. We didn’t have the stress of rush hour, to spend hours getting ready in the morning, our kids were loving it, our pets were too. We were taking naps on our lunch breaks and turning the webcam off sometimes, just to take a moment.

We had the luxury of not needing to constantly present ourselves to the world, we started to let go a little.

And then things started to open up again. For some of us certainly, it was a big relief. I don’t want to assume that everyone enjoys working from home, nor that everyone lives in a positive and safe environment, but we must admit that we all took time to recharge, even if it was forced upon us.

Final Thoughts

My heart goes out to those who have lost their jobs, their health, family and friends to the virus. My heart goes out to those who are suffering from great financial loss, stress, and fear for what the near future holds.

There are no words that can compensate or remedy the situation, however, having someone to talk to in order to express your feelings is incredibly important. That person can be a friend, loved one, colleague, or therapist.

Sometimes, all we need to know is that we are not alone. And then, there are other times when we need help and we need to learn how to reach out and ask for it.

Learn to draw that line for yourself, that difference between waiting and patience. When life deals us an unfavourable hand, when we cannot have it all now, it is our ability to be patient that will pull us through to the other side.

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Jasmine Melrose

Director & Founder of DECO the Blog

Jasmine Melrose is a Toronto native living in Amsterdam. Once a professional dancer, her passions include movement, fitness, yoga, healing, and all things vegan. Jasmine is a 500-hour trained yoga teacher, who loves to get you deeper into your practice. She is also a certified barre teacher who loves making raw vegan, guilt-free and good-for-you treats. Check out her recipes and articles on everything from fitness to yoga, to notes on a journey towards healing.

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