Alvin Collantes on Authenticity, Finding Home Within, and Celebrating the Body in Movement
- Jasmine Melrose
- Mar 16, 2022
- 20 min read
Updated: Dec 15, 2022
How do I begin to describe Alvin? The thing is, Alvin is so much more than a compiled list of achievements, Alvin is many things; brave, resilient, available, wild, honest, loving, a healer.
But what astounds me most is how unwavering these qualities are in him, how important community is to him, how he has always shared his passion, talent, joy with others, and brought us all along for the ride. He has always been non-hoarding in his success, which is rare and hard to come by.
I can also imagine him blushing while reading this, because despite all that he does, I doubt he can see himself like we can, like the people he's touched and inspired over the years can.
DECO Interviews | Alvin Collantes
Photo by Tex Drieschner
Alvin: I'm so grateful for this conversation, by the way. This is community in a way where we can revisit things from the past, find the strength together to create new opportunities and narratives.
Jasmine: Oh absolutely! I think we are all aching for it. Longing for connection. Finding a way back to movement too, it can feel overwhelming. But you, the space you create and hold gives me inspiration and hope to find that connection again.
I love how in your work and in your presence online you tackle topics of community, finances, trauma, and movement as a source of healing.
Alvin: Yeah, you know, as dancers, being committed to having a career in dance, we put so much pressure on ourselves, we create expectations, unrealistic standards to achieve, and then you have grant writing, applications, auditions, performances, festivals, you name it, on top of all of that, there's just so much to hold, this weight, it can really become abusive, even toxic.
So for me, when I go to the dance studio, I'm always coming back to what my body needs in this moment. And maybe that's just lying on the floor, you know, embracing the whole space and just being able to allow myself to say, this space is for me and just tend to what I need. And from that place, what can I do for my body to create availability, you know what I mean?
Not even necessarily to warm up or work on my legs or any specific skill set, because whenever we go to the dance studio, at least for me, it's always for a job, a gig, or for a rehearsal, something specific that we have to achieve or accomplish. So rewriting that narrative, as a dancer in my 30's, how can I approach these spaces as a healing space, and find a sense of home?
How can it work for me, within that home of solitude and sanctuary? You know, how can it work for me rather than it working against me, with all of this added pressure.
Jasmine: Home. I think that's a key word there. Finding home within our bodies, in our practice. We are not taught growing up in dance to take ownership of our bodies and be our own authority. So much of dance training is focused and centred around the physical practice, skills, and aesthetic. If anything, I felt like I was always looking from the outside in, not the other way around.
I never felt at home in my body, and I think that held me back in so many ways. I felt so uncomfortable and honestly, incapable of setting boundaries with people, which even led me to sustain an abusive relationship for far too long. Even the toxic relationship I had with myself. Dance, art, life are not separate entities, those lessons carry through.
Alvin: Wow, but you know what's so interesting? I'm getting to a point where I'm okay with not performing, I'm okay with going with the flow, at the same time I'm asking myself, what kind of relationship are you writing with dance? With life.
I realised that when we simplify dance, when we view it not as a career but as a place of residence, a home. When we start to see moving as a gift, moving the body, waking up in the morning, brushing our teeth, when we start to see this body as a blessing, movement in itself is worth celebrating.
I realise that many people who are not dancers, they are much better at celebrating the simple ability to move and live. Dancers are always trying to be successful at it, a superhero with crazy abilities, but being human, it's being human that takes courage.
Jasmine: And the courage to understand and realise that all you have ever needed, you already have. It's about pulling that essence out, that natural ability out. Dancers are told all their lives that they need to "be bigger, devour more space", and that creates a narrative of "am I not enough as I am?"
Alvin: Yes! Or that you have to fit a certain mould or capacity as a dancer. It's always outside of us. We ask ourselves, what do I need to achieve outside of me in order to go there? Rather than, how can I elevate what I already have? Celebrate what's already unique about my ability and what I bring to the space?
Jasmine: Right, learning to embrace who you already are rather than feeling like you have to become a character or step outside of yourself to impress people. And is it even about other people anyway? Where do we, the artists or dancers fit into the equation?
On a topic of embracing yourself, did Gaga or your own spiritual practices and discoveries help you come to this realisation? Was it a more movement based realisation or other based realisation?
Alvin: Yes, so I'll break this down as best I can. Growing up in dance, having a career in dance, it's very traditional in a way. There is a choreographer, the dancers, and the choreographer is telling the dancers what to do, and it's very specific in the way that you have to meet the expectations of the choreographer.
So the hierarchy is clear. So I started thinking, well, I don't want to keep working and performing, trying to meet someone else's expectations. I want to be valued. I want that my voice and my body, and my space are all valued. So I started seeking out more collaborative experiences, like teaching dance was so transformative for me, to be a Gaga teacher, because Gaga is like, you're dancing with everybody in the space, it's collaborative.
The whole idea of Gaga is about developing an available body. How can the body become more open, free of blockages, open to conversations, open to experiencing pleasure. Learning to be unafraid of addressing your needs as a dancer in order to feel seen, to feel witnessed. That's what I, that's what we deserve. And that's what makes me fall in love with this work.
Jasmine: Dose of Pleasure, this whole journey. Even witnessing it from afar, seeing the emotion exuding from people, it was honestly really comforting and transformational to watch. People connecting to their bodies, their joy, and power. What was that like?
Alvin: So around 2019, before Covid, I was in a very bad place, I moved to Berlin, and I really did not have the funds to go to therapy. So I was like, how can this work for me? So I started going to the clubs, because I'm a Gaga teacher, I have this language in my body that can tap into pleasure, accessibility, and availability. So if I just work through the language that I have with my body, that wisdom, and I realised that the subconscious, the groove in you is flowing there, it's continuous.
So I started calling it meditating inside the groove, I started to be more inspired and creative, and with that groove came Dose of Pleasure. It became this dance floor meditation where you create the space to express whatever is suppressed inside of you, whatever needs to come out, there you can just express it with no judgement, and how that creates more freedom in the space. People can become inspired by other people's wild nature, collectively.
Jasmine: Right, wildness within a framework.
I think that is what makes this kind of expression so accessible. It takes you out of your head and gives you tools to embrace that wildness and harness it into something, without pressure, but rather with guidance, which is such a magical combination.
Alvin: There is so much freedom inside form, inside limitation, inside the boundaries that you create, that are healthy and nourishing.
Photo by Vigdís Erla, Dose of Pleasure
This is what I realised during the lockdown and with the regulations, it's like, okay, I'm in quarantine. How can I exercise my freedom inside quarantine, for example, finding creative ways to exercise your body, or freedom, even if it's in an unconventional way.
Thoughts, Dose of Pleasure
Jasmine: And how has this exploration changed the way you look at movement or your path?
Alvin: Yeah, you know, things are evolving, things are becoming more intuitive, more of an exchange between dancers, it's becoming more and more fluid. So I am really working on the concept of groove, not only in a musical sense, but groove in a way of exercising your authenticity, being you know, the bad bish that you are, or the quirky person, you know, all of the spicy, strange, aspects of you, how can you bring that to the space of grooving?
Then that leads us to how you can be authentic in your business? How can you show up authentically in your work and in the way you express yourself, the way you interact with people? Because I think authenticity is what is exciting in this time, people want to feel and witness your authentic nature because it's so healing, you know?
Jasmine: I think that this is such an important topic because any institution is going to try to break you down into more digestible pieces, so that you don't take up too much space. And then we find ourselves thinking like, am I too much? Am I too weird, too different? I've always gotten in trouble for that, everywhere I go. For being too much.
Alvin: But you know what, let me tell you this. It's incredibly profound to witness someone really take the space as themselves, honestly, and authentically.
Jasmine: It's a powerful ability to feel unbothered in that way. To be loud about that weirdness in a world that is trying to slowly chip away at you. Because we are so used to hearing rejection, that we are not a good fit for this or that institution. We start to forget our value.
Alvin: We need to work at finding ways to also exercise the beauty of being authentic and reclaim that value.
Jasmine: Right, and observing the industry, weirdness is so trendy right now. I feel like oh, now I can be me huh? I am weird, odd maybe, I don't like to follow the rules, I've never really fit with one technique, I've always felt so driven to just do what I wanted to do.
Not in an egotistical way, more like, my body is just constantly misbehaving. So to say, you cannot wait to be you once it's trending. Likewise, don't suddenly abandon those parts of you once the world moves on to something different, because dance, art, fashion, it's all cyclical, it comes in and out of style.
Alvin: Yeah. So I do want to say, you helped me in that way, maybe you weren't aware. But when I first started dancing, I saw the beauty of your weirdness. Like, it doesn't mean to say that, just because it wasn't trendy at the time that it didn't still touch people. You touched a lot of people who felt how you felt and wanted to still follow their passion.
And so, it's important that even though maybe we're not following trends, or we're not in the mainstream, it's important to know that when you follow your weirdness, and your authentic nature, your signature, it paves the way for many people who also want to follow their impulse.
Jasmine: That's such an important point, because it's hard sometimes to block out the discouragement and march to the beat of your own drum. I remember thinking that you were just so good. Like, just unreal, I used to think, why doesn't Alvin audition for this company or that company, he could dance anywhere he wanted to. But then I realised that I was making the assumption that you wanted to be under the direction of someone. That I was undervaluing your expression as it was. The talent and ability you have matched with the power and ownership of self is what makes me so in awe of you.
Alvin: It's amazing that you point that out because we all do it. We put these big companies on a pedestal but also because the publications and the industry paints these stories. That these are the companies that you need to be dancing for. But actually, you can pave your own way and find full meaning and satisfaction in what you do. It doesn't have to have a name.
Jasmine: And I think going your own route is so much more empowering. More grounding, I feel like you can go so much deeper that way.
Alvin: Without the expectation and pressure.
Jasmine: Yes! Exactly.
Alvin: But on the topic of companies, there is one thing I want to touch on. In the most recent show of Batsheva, they have a section where they are all dancing in like six inch heels. All the men, women, all with heels, and you see the male bodied dancers, some of them queer identifying, but some not. To witness the dancers go into this place where they can all celebrate the essence of expression, but also in more mainstream companies.
Batsheva Dance Company, "2019"
This warms my heart and reminds me to show up authentically in my work as a teacher, you know, because embracing and breaking down that heteronormative story. To celebrate identity and essence, and seeing it celebrated in performance. That to me is so inspiring, because then, when I show up to teach a Gaga class, for example, I can go into my stories and my metaphors with no apologies, because I can truly celebrate, you know, my queerness I can celebrate, my fantasies, without having to feel like I need to hide those parts of me.
Jasmine: To show up unapologetically. I think this one is so deep, because there's so many triggers when it comes to talking about queer fantasy, even female fantasy. Or just existence really. I can't talk from a queer perspective, but I can talk from a female perspective, which is highly censored. For women, what is nature, like bleeding every month or, unless via the male lens, connection to sex, sensuality, female fantasy and pleasure are deemed inappropriate.
However, I still feel like this pails in comparison to what is happening to queer and trans bodies. I believe that while fighting for equality, art at the very least needs to be there as an outlet for expression of the oppressed.
Alvin: It's very inspiring for me to step into the space of this conversation. This exists because you still feel that a lot of people who are getting awards and opportunities in Europe and the world are male identifying, often or maybe always white choreographers. We need more diversity, it's not about having a gay or queer "agenda" or propaganda, it is just about creating space for things or people that are normally silenced.
Jasmine: Right. But it's crazy that as soon as it's queer, it's propaganda. When it's about straightness or whiteness, it's just normal, no one gives it a second thought.
Alvin: Yeah, I'm hoping that with more mainstream companies exploring this expression that it will open more doors and space for other forms of expression, not just the heteronormative stories. And even for me as as someone who's catering to a not necessarily queer, more general market, I'm always asking myself, inquiring, how can I celebrate my queerness without being pushy? How can I be authentic?
It's always this blend or balance, how can I bring more queer artists to collaborate with me and build on this? It's all about building for me at least. To move away from the idea of it being propaganda of queerness but it's more like, how can we celebrate diversity and build compassion, celebrate our differences, and allow those differences to also be a part of the reason why we are grooving together, why we are dancing together.
Like this we open our consciousness and awareness, to see this world of welcoming and safety, this openness that is non- judgmental, like this we create change. So as a queer person of colour, who came from the Philippines moving and working in a westernised society, I'm very, very mindful of how much I bring impact to people who may not have access to these spaces.
Jasmine: And how do you experience holding that space online? Have there been any insights to, not just living authentically in life, but about how that translates onto the internet platform and social media?
Alvin: Yes, you know, for me, I understand now that there are trolls and people who hide behind their keys and just say negative things and criticise, just because they can, and it made me understand that, not everyone's coming from your perspective, not everyone's coming from a place of love.
Because it is, I mean, it's the internet, you can exercise a freedom of expression, you know, and that's okay. But actually, for me, I'm more curious to know, am I building resilience by just showing up as I am? And if I do receive negative criticism, that's okay. Because for me, it's a platform to exercise my boundaries, my values, and my morals, I'm really not afraid to step into the space in the online sphere, because I feel like I've built the resilience.
And I mean, I've experienced a lot of hate before for just showing up. So I think over time, I'm more resilient in how I show up online. So that's why for me, I'm not afraid if I'm vulnerable or if I'm saying something that can have two opinions, because I'm well aware that this is not the “real world” where people can really be real with you and get you, I understand that it can go two ways.
Jasmine: Now, I'd love to address a recent video you made, where you got a little emotional. You were talking about building financial stability, paying bills, and supporting yourself doing what you love.
I have often wondered where that part of the equation was lost. Where and when dancers became so chronically undervalued and underpaid. And I think it's really refreshing to see you talking openly about that reality.
Alvin: And it's an incredible conversation to be had. Because when we talk about value, how much did we invest in our body?
Jasmine: A lifetime.
Alvin: Right! Like, our bodies are technology, and I was inspired by, you know, Taja Riley. She's a commercial dance-athlete from LA, and she vouched for the Super Bowl dancers and how little they are getting from such a big and important event.
This instance just goes to show that our investment is not valued. And so this reflects how people treat dancers, they except us to do things for exposure, or just come teach for free. I'm like, wow, this technology was invested in for many years. So I'm trying to shine a light on this.
I mean, I even forget sometimes, I'm going to audition for a gig or when I'm applying for a job. It's like, I just want the job and sometimes I forget that my value is important too, that I can negotiate, that I can talk about how much I think I deserve.
You know, the more time we invest, the energy, the effort, this all contributes towards our value. This is our craft. And dancers have it hard, I mean, compared to artists who have digital work for example, it's more tangible. So they can have coffee while they sell their art, but with dancers, we literally have to give ourselves in every moment that we are doing it.
Jasmine: Literally. It's exhausting. We give and give and then it feels like that energy, the compensation is not reciprocated. We are expected to be these abundant, inspired, resilient, energetic, spicy people, but we're not getting anything back. How do we keep giving?
So what have been your own ways of overcoming these blockages when it comes to finances and owning your value?
Alvin: You know, as dancers, we kind of accepted the starving artist identity, or career because it's all we know. But the question is, how can I start exercising my value? So if I do want to transition, to start a business, I need to rewire, rewrite my old habits and understand that I cannot bring this starving artist role with me. I cannot keep carrying this burden.
We need to let go of this resentment towards the industry. For example, I'm going into the space of life coaching, and doing a life coaching certificate programme, and it's really teaching me, like Alvin, don't carry your starving artist box and identity with you into your life coaching. You don't have to charge what a dance teacher is charging, you don't have to charge what the dance industry is charging, because it's another step in evolving, how you share your work with people.
Jasmine: Right, and you have been working on your craft for so long, that I think putting a price on that, you're really putting a price on those years, this life's work.
What has this healing process, dancing with and through trauma, owning identity, and creating new narratives. What is this looking like for you at the moment?
Alvin: Well, as a dance teacher I've experienced what it feels like to teach three classes a day just to make rent and just to pay for stuff. So I'm at this place where, as I get older, I am asking myself how can I still bring that level of value to people without exerting so much energy.
And how can I coach people and share my knowledge and experience in new ways? So it's about opening up new avenues where I can also give and provide people with awareness and perspective.
So maybe that looks like guiding people and holding space for people so that they can find resilience, strength, and feel empowered. And I think for me, for you, and for us, you know, we've gone through hell and back, and that has given us this resilience, because of how we can tap into our bodies while experiencing these hardships? Not everyone has access to the gift of moving through something, but it's something that we can provide.
Jasmine: The scary part of evolving and branching out is also realising what doesn't align with us. When you encounter something that you don't vibe with, or that doesn't work for you, how do you walk away from that?
Alvin: I'm not sure about you, but as a dancer auditioning for many, many companies, I've definitely developed a people pleasing complex, and rejection wounds, it hurts. So it's really easy for dancers, when we are evolving, and when we're attracting a lot of people because of our vibe, our essence, our authenticity, it's so easy to fall back into that complex, that habit.
So establishing healthy boundaries. Learning not to say yes to everything just because you love dance so much, this was a hard lesson for me. So now in this space where the more I show up, and the more I can create opportunities for myself, the more connections come to me, I feel like the universe is giving me signs to exercise healthy boundaries so I don't burn myself out and take too much onto my plate.
So it's an exercise and for me, it's exciting, because it's really about, the more you exercise your values, what you stand for, and what you don't, what you do resonate with, and what you don't, the more you become grounded.
It's also about exercising this sweet spot, learning how to allow the conversation to stay open and warm without saying like, Oh, I don't vibe with you. I don't want to work with you. Rather, how can we make the conversation transformational over transactional? Or rather than a hard no, maybe it's an, I love you and what you do, I respect you, I'm super touched that you approached me. But you know, at the moment, this is not for me.
Jasmine: So rather than just canceling people or meeting people with that same feeling of rejection we used to get, we can meet them with compassion, maturity, and still stay true to our boundaries and values.
I think that's such an important lesson to learn, especially for artists and creators, when like you said, our energy and our showing up, it is literally our job. Understanding that protecting your energy is so essential to longevity in this career.
Alvin: Yes! So even with business opportunities, right? When you're given opportunities to speak or to perform or share your work, how much can you actually take on? Of course, you have to say no to some opportunities, that fact lies at the heart of evolution and growth. But finding creative, artistic ways to say no, and to maintain respect in that conversation.
Jasmine: So in alignment with respect and protecting your energy, what are you doing right now to heal and nurture, to invite that kind of growth? Climbing out of that dark hole we spoke about, beginning the healing process which can be so hard, so overwhelming.
What are some tangible, maybe small ways that, as someone working as a healer, in this space, could recommend practicing? I'm thinking of the people who don't know where to start, the person who finds themselves slipping back into toxic behaviours and feels like it's all just too big and too much.
What are some of the tools that, either you have worked with or helped others to use that resonate with you? Something for the people reading this interview and feel they are ready to start healing but don't know where to start?
Alvin: Well one take away that I believe is really important to keep in mind, which I'm sure you can resonate with is, healing is not linear, it's not a linear trajectory. So just because you open the door for healing doesn't mean we are going to be on cloud nine right away.
So it's about being gentle with ourselves, it's about self compassion, being patient, and knowing that it doesn't happen overnight. Some of these things really come out and present themselves when we are listening a lot, things manifest as well for me, it's in my throat, my skin.
So when these blocks show up, I used to think, I'm not healing, or I'm not better, why am I not better? But actually, I realised that it's a lot more healing for me to just take my time and be patient and gentle with myself, rather than forcing the process. That actually creates more resistance.
So how can we actually just let things sit as well, and trust that this is part of the process? To start, being able to be gentle, to integrate, to take the time to catch yourself in your unconscious habits, or notice the patterns coming up, and then reflecting on it. Having the space to sit with that. I think that is powerful. Because I feel like we associate so much of the healing we do with action, action, action, and we want results, results results, but we actually need to be able to indulge in the space between.
Photo by Rita Couto
Jasmine: I think that was so perfectly said. Especially when considering that healing and health is also a business. You know, it's always "buy this supplement", "buy that program", and "this is the one thing that's going to change your life."
It's a complete paradox. To think that I want to teach people to find what they need within themselves, but in oder to make it a sustainable profession, suddenly we need to market or sell healing to people. And no one wants to hear that it's going to take a long time and that you are really going to have to dig down deep. Or that you already have everything you need.
I think that it's so important to realise that actually, true healing happens in silence, in that space between, as you put it. We all spend so much money buying solutions, rather than taking the time to understand that we can be, or rather, we are our own solution. We just need guidance.
Alvin: And I have to say, I am a part of that system as well, I've taken courses, I've jumped into, you know, one-on-one coaching sessions with people, but I think the key element or importance was not my impulse to buy these courses, but it's more about the integration, the process of digesting the information, the awareness you've gained from all of that. How you've digested it, how you reflect, it's how you create that space, or call yourself out, to find that level of ownership.
Because these are really the only tools. And I think that's also what's beautiful about reaching out to people. We are providing guidance, assistance, support. And that's a real purpose, you know, to serve in that way.
But then, as someone who's doing that work, how can we nourish ourselves? You know, how can we tune in and listen to ourselves? To understand what we need. Because it's always like this right, the more we serve others, the more we need to also serve ourselves.
Jasmine: Absolutely. And how do you do that? How do you fill your own cup? Are there any specific things that you do, like, dance, or is it alone time or a combination of things?
Alvin: For me, it's definitely alone time because, as I'm sure you can resonate with this, you teach many people and you have a lot of people who are inspired by your work, but you also want to nourish yourself, restore your energy, and you want to vibe by yourself.
That can even be with your partner, or someone that grounds you, connects you to your human nature, someone that makes you feel real, coming back to the importance of the authentic self, and finding nourishment in that, that's where your seat needs to be.
...
Want more of Alvin?
Want to find your groove and connect with nature? Join the Passion, Play & Pleasure 6-day dance retreat in Southern Portugal this summer from June 26th- July 1st, 2022.
If you would like more information on the retreat, accommodation, program schedule, and what is included in the experience, click here for the full brochure.
Jasmine Melrose
Director & Founder of DECO the Blog
Jasmine Melrose is a Toronto native living in Amsterdam. Once a professional dancer, her passions include movement, fitness, yoga, healing, and all things vegan. Jasmine is a 500-hour trained yoga teacher, who loves to get you deeper into your practice. She is also a certified barre teacher who loves making raw vegan, guilt-free and good-for-you treats. Check out her recipes and articles on everything from fitness to yoga, to notes on a journey towards healing.
Comments