The Secret to Female Empowerment
- Jasmine Melrose
- Aug 3, 2021
- 8 min read
Updated: Feb 13, 2022
Empowerment: one of the most talked about words on the internet right now, especially when it comes to women. The female empowerment business model is ever-growing, as more and more women are teaching each other how to be more empowered, and with good reason.
Who wouldn’t want to feel more empowered? And more importantly, why do women want and need to feel more empowered?
Despite (some) progress made towards equality and women’s rights in the recent years, there is still so much work to be done. We are still nowhere near where we should be.
Female empowerment courses and coaches are often targeting the workplace as the area other women need more help finding their most empowered selves. And why is that?
We could dig really deep here, but let’s start with a few obvious ones. Before we talk about the secret to empowerment, lets see why women need to be empowered in the first place, that is, in and out of the workplace:
Female Empowerment: Taking Back Control
TW: Trigger warning, in the text below, there is mention of sexual assault, abuse, gaslighting of the female trauma experience and a general threatening of women's peace and safety.
The Pay Gap
One very simple reason why women struggle to feel empowered in the workplace: the pay gap. Yes, even in 2021, women are still getting the short end of the stick; despite speculation and controversy, yes, there is still a pay gap.
Women all over the world are still being paid less than men. To put this into perspective, we have a visual that shows us that women of colour in particular, make less than men according to these statistics, and these numbers represent a worldwide picture.
Now, over the past few decades the gender pay gap has been narrowing, however, with the current rate of change, the gender pay gap we see represented below will remain for the next 50 to near 200 years. Needless to say, not enough is happening and it's not happening fast enough.
Representation Matters
We are not seeing nearly enough representation of women in positions of power. We have just started to see a shift in the recent years, seeing more women in positions of leadership in congress, as state and world leaders. But this is just the beginning.
We are not seeing nearly enough female CEOs nor equal opportunities for women in the workplace.
Gaslighting the Female Story
TW: sexual abuse
Women continue to experience gaslighting and not enough action is ever taken in response to their experiences, stories, and cries for help. When women reach out or call out, the first reaction continues to be disbelief and holding women in the line of questioning, rather than their abusers.
Women are taking to social media to share their stories using hashtags such as #metoo, #stillnotaskingforit, and #whyididntreport to shine light on the subject of sexual abuse, assault, rape, and non-consensual sexual advances.
Art by: Areli Fisher Robles (shared with permission from the artist)
By sharing their stories, women hope to put an end to this cycle, and shift the blame. Another quote that hit home was "it's not don't get raped, it's don't rape". Victims are not no to blame, it's about holding abusers accountable.
Instagram accounts like Why I Didn't Report are using this hashtag to spread awareness and give survivors are place to share, inform, and "inspire" if you can use such a word, to help others share their stories.
Note: We are talking about the female experience here, however, it is not true or fair to say that men are never raped or that men are never victims of sexual assault. For more information and stories, and to hear from survivors, both male and female, follow https://www.instagram.com/whyididntreport/
Rape and assault statistics are not dropping, and we are still finding ways to ask women if they “got their story right", if they are sure about the incident, what they were wearing when it happened or asking why they were out so late in the first place.
Women are taking to Instagram, posting pictures of themselves in (whatever clothing they choose to wear) with the hashtag and caption “still not asking for it”.
Women have the right to wear, enjoy, feel confident and safe in whatever it is they choose, and to express themselves freely.
How we dress should be an extension of our personalities, and therefore and extension of ourselves. When getting dressed, a thought that should never need to cross a woman’s mind is: will I be safe in this?
Educate your boys
Another trend circling social media and Instagram in particular, is regarding the education of boys and girls.
“Teach your boys, don’t protect your girls”
Parents need to step up and change the course of this cycle of toxic parenting and stop pushing gender norms and expectations. Women are raised and expected to do more, be accountable for more, and in turn, receive less.
We are told since we are old enough to understand that we “mature faster” and that “boys will be boys”. Well, those boys grow up to be men who maintain those values that are instilled in them since childhood.
Change needs to begin at the roots, with parents educating young boys, rather than expecting girls, and later, women, to pick up the pieces.
"Not all men"
The “not all men” debate, let's talk about it. When women stand up and speak out about a problem, in this case, we are taking about women’s rights and inequality, there is always a back handed “yeah but”or someone who needs to play the devil’s advocate with a counter argument to save face.
We saw this happen during the BLM protests, with the “All Lives Matter” counter.
Post re-shared by: https://www.instagram.com/feminist/
The issue is, whether it’s fighting against inequality, racism, or violence against minorities (BIPOC, LQBTQIA+, women, etc.) we see the same reaction across all fronts. "All Lives Matter", "Not All Men"! But, as seen in the visual above, it's not about wanting more, it's about wanting to be equal.
The thing is, if there wasn't a problem, there wouldn't be a discussion. Just as, not ALL lives can matter until Black lives do, ENOUGH men are a threat to women, so until there are NO men that batter, abuse, or threaten women, there are still enough cases for it to be a problem.
Even with one case, we still have a problem.
Yet we see men pipe up and defend themselves. Why? Do they fear that, women being given what they deserve will leave them with less? Are they threatened? Are they resistant to change? Do they feel attacked?
Of course not all men are bad, evil or dangerous, but so many ARE. And those who are not, are not doing enough. This quote hit home and I believe that it does a great job of illustrating this point.
“Every woman knows another woman who has been raped, but no men seem to know any rapists”.
We need men to be in this fight with us, it is the only way to create lasting change. Men need to be feminists, we cannot change the ways of the system if only the oppressed are fighting. We need to take this problem from the roots and dismantle it, and this can only happen with proper education, representation and equal opportunity, and ensuring the safety of women.
The Secret to Female Empowerment
Now that we know a bit more about why women fight to feel safe, worthy, and empowered in society, let’s find out what you can start doing today to feel and be more empowered.
How to be more empowered
Remember the saying “less is more”, well, keep that in mind when practicing this crucial step towards female empowerment. Drum roll please.....
Learn to say “NO” more often.
I know, you have probably heard this before, and if you haven’t you might be thinking, how can I get more of what I need by doing less?
The answer is, you can get a lot!
Think about it, when you start leaning to say no more often, many things will begin to change in your life. Let’s go though some of the benefits of saying no, and what it can do for you in the long term.
Setting boundaries.
When you say yes to everything all the time, people start treating you like a doormat. They begin thinking that, you are willing to do more. This is actually not a sign of strength but of weakness.
Setting boundaries is hard, you might feel like you are being rude at the beginning, but it will pay off in the long run. Empowerment is all about feeling strong and in control, and nothing feels more out of control than having too much on your plate because you cannot say “no”.
More time.
When you start saying "no" to people, you will be amazed with how productive you can be. You will have more time to invest in yourself, in family, personal care, or even more time to start your own projects or businesses.
Time is valuable.
So I know a lot of you are thinking, how can I say "no" if I need the work? This is common with freelancers, because, more often than not, you are being paid per hour. Every time you say "no" to work, it’s also money you are saying no to. There are two lessons to be learned here:
Time is money, meaning, your time is precious and valuable.
Money comes and goes but time you never get back. Start asking yourself if you are working in a sustainable way, if you burn yourself out working too many hours, chances are, you are not doing very good work.
Start implementing a plan to do less and do it well. This will leave you feeling less burned out at the end of the day, and allow you to wake up fresher tomorrow. “Do less and do it well” should be your new mantra.
Then, if doing less isn’t possible where you work and you are are still feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself if this is really the place for you.
Be firm, but kind.
No one is asking you to be rude or lazy. Never cut corners or let people down. Saying "no" is not about being defiant either. It’s about saving yourself and establishing a reputation that you value yourself, your time and energy.
When saying "no", don’t back down or cave in, but do it with compassion. Be it your boss, a friend, or a partner, asking the impossible of you, say "no" as kindly and as firmly as you can, and remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Practice what you preach.
No one said saying "no" was going to be easy. But let it run its course. You will find yourself feeling less stressed out, more focused, less irritable, and of course, more empowered.
There is nothing more empowering than keeping your own best interests in mind, taking care, and looking out for yourself.
Learn to give yourself the permission to do less. Start talking to yourself how you would a loved one or friend. You would say, "you do too much, you need some time off, you need a break, you need to rest."
Start being that person for yourself and I promise, in no time you will be feeling a whole lot better, sharper, and more empowered.
Concluding thoughts: all about saying "no"
It may feel hard at first, you might feel like you are letting people down by saying "no" and learning to set boundaries, however, this feeling will soon diminish.
You might start to see people's true colours, however, those who cannot be supportive of you and your value, your time, and energy, are people that are not worth having in your life.
Jasmine Melrose
Director & Founder of DECO the Blog
Jasmine Melrose is a Toronto native living in Amsterdam. Once a professional dancer, her passions include movement, fitness, yoga, healing, and all things vegan. Jasmine is a 500-hour trained yoga teacher, who loves to get you deeper into your practice. She is also a certified barre teacher who loves making raw vegan, guilt-free and good-for-you treats. Check out her recipes and articles on everything from fitness to yoga, to notes on a journey towards healing.
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